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MEMPHIS (The Borowitz Report)—Abandoning their customary black vests and masks, ICE agents have gone undercover in Memphis, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem confirmed on Wednesday.

Noem defended her department’s expenditure of $85,000 to outfit the agents in sequined jumpsuits, arguing that such a disguise was necessary for ICE to blend into the population inconspicuously.

Issuing a stern warning to the city of Memphis, Noem declared, “If I see something that appears to be nothing but a hound dog, I will shoot it.”

Read: Memo to Donald Trump

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