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Donald Trump began 2025 threatening to colonize Canada, Greenland, and the Panama Canal.
By year’s end, the only territory he managed to seize was the East Wing.
You’d think such a disappointing scorecard would dampen Metamucilini’s imperialist fever dreams.
But no.
In a TBR exclusive, we have obtained the following top-secret document from an open file box in Mar-a-Lago’s public bathroom. As you will see, it contains Trump’s shocking musings about the lands he yearns to conquer next year:
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