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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In his ongoing quest for honors, on Wednesday Donald J. Trump demanded that former President Barack Obama be named after him. In a flurry of late-night Truth Social posts, Trump insisted that the 44th president be renamed “Barack Donald Obama Trump.”Trump said that if his demand was not met he would “immediately cut off all federal aid to Hawaii.”Speaking to reporters, Obama was philosophical, noting, “At least he didn’t say Kenya. That’s progress, I guess.”
LEAKED: Trump Wanted Rubio to Replace Bad Bunny at Super Bowl
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In a top-secret memo to the NFL, Trump proposed several alternatives to Bad Bunny, including Marco Rubio:
“If people really want to see someone who speaks Spanish perform at the Super Bowl—which I don’t believe, quite frankly—there’s no reason to choose a person from a foreign country like Puerto Rico when we have a much better choice right here in the USA: Marco Rubio. You might wonder if Rubio can sing and dance, so let me answer your question: he will if I tell him to. Also, Little Marco has agreed to change his name for marketing purposes, so for the Super Bowl he will be known as Little Bunny. As you may know, Marco sweats A LOT and needs constant hydration, but we’ve got that covered. We’ll have some boys from ICE standing by with a water cannon.” Read Trump’s full memo HERE.
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