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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Markwayne Mullin’s exit from the United States Senate has enabled Tommy Tuberville to emerge as the nation’s dumbest senator, a jubilant Tuberville confirmed on Monday.
“People are gonna try to cheapen this victory by saying I only got it because Waynemark (sic) left,” the Alabaman said. “But like we used to say on the football field, a win’s a win.”
“People need to realize, I had to compete with 99 other senators to win this title,” he said. “And even if you subtract Mullin, that still leaves 95.”
Tuberville said that the media had not given him “enough credit” for becoming the nation’s dumbest senator, noting, “I beat Ron Johnson.”
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