Photo by Nathan Howard/Getty Images
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Confirming the suspicions of many in the international community, on Monday Donald J. Trump revealed that intelligence played “no role” in his decision to go to war with Iran.
“People keep asking me about intelligence,” he told reporters on Air Force One. “I made this call with no intelligence whatsoever.”
“Quite frankly, every decision I’ve ever made in my life I’ve made without intelligence,” he boasted. “Intelligence is for losers.”
Trump added that “I don’t trust people who have intelligence, which is why I love Pete.”
WATCH: She Says Trump Raped Her When She Was a Child
To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Paid subscriptions start at just $6 a month and you can cancel any time.
From The Borowitz Report via this RSS feed