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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Residents of Washington, DC are less afraid of the city’s homeless population than they are of accidentally running into Stephen Miller, according to a new poll released on Thursday.
When asked, “What do you fear most?,” 4 percent said, “the homeless,” while 87 percent said, “Being seated at a restaurant next to Stephen Miller.”
Describing her fear of encountering Miller, one poll respondent stated, “It’s the stuff of nightmares.”
In another finding, 67 percent said they feared being hit by a car driven by Pete Hegseth.
Real News: Trump Invents New Country
One of Donald Trump’s favorite hobbies is inventing new African countries. In 2017, he spoke about the nation of “Nambia,” and on Monday, he bragged about ending a war in “The Republic of Condo.” To honor this newly-minted land, I am unfurling its flag. #LongLiveCondo
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