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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In what is being called a record-setting achievement, Ghislaine Maxwell was recognized on Monday as the only person in America who has never seen Donald J. Trump act inappropriately.
That accomplishment, in addition to her claim that she only observed Trump acting like a gentleman, has landed the former socialite in the Guinness Book of World Records, a spokesperson for the record book announced.
“We scoured our files looking for anyone else in the United States who has not seen Trump act inappropriately, and we came up empty,” the spokesperson, Harland Dorrinson, said. “It’s just Ghislaine.”
“If Ms. Maxwell were a member of an indigenous people in Papua New Guinea with no access to media, this would be no big deal,” he added. “But in the United States, never witnessing Trump acting inappropriately makes her one in 340 million.”
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Jim WATSON / AFP
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