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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The Guinness Book of World Records announced on Wednesday that the former president of Venezuela, Hugo Chávez, has lost his distinction for making the most batshit speech to the United Nations General Assembly.
“In 2006, when Chávez referred to George W. Bush as the Devil and said, ‘This rostrum still smells like sulfur,’ most of us thought his record for making the most crazy-ass UN speech would stand for generations,” Guinness spokesperson Harland Dorrinson said. “We never saw this coming.”
In an official statement, the Hugo Chávez Memorial Society, based in Caracas, was philosophical about the Venezuelan’s wackadoodle utterances being bested by a new champion.
“Hugo himself would have been in awe of yesterday’s performance,” the statement read. “He said a lot of bonkers shit back in 2006, but he never exploded with rage about an escalator.”
As corporate media continue to bend their knee to our senile wannabe dictator, I have never been more grateful that I don’t work for one of these craven companies. I work for you.
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