Char Beck on Unsplash
PORTLAND (The Borowitz Report)—Troops deployed to Portland, Oregon by Donald J. Trump cleaned up “a significant amount” of discarded kale at a downtown farmer’s market, FBI Director Kash Patel claimed on Monday.
Declaring the deployment a major success, Patel posted on X, “We are keeping kale off the streets of Portland.”
But city residents soon questioned that assessment, with one longtime Portlander stating, “In Portland we never discard kale—we massage it.”
Patel’s premature claim became yet another embarrassment for the struggling FBI chief, who later acknowledged that the discarded vegetable was not kale but Swiss chard.
TBR Book of the Month!
The brilliant Tom Toro is one of the funniest cartoonists on the planet, and his amazing new collection, And to Think We Started as a Book Club…,is TBR’s October Book of the Month! Preorder it today at the TBR Bookshop, powered by Bookshop.org. Every purchase supports independent bookstores (and not Jeff Bezos).
“Tom Toro’s cartoons are so funny and expressive. The jokes somehow play out in my head like little movies. Really great work.” –Fred Armisen
“Tom Toro is a master of the art of the single panel cartoon. If you enjoy laughing out loud while you’re in the company of strangers or by yourself, you will love this book.” –Roz Chast
As corporate media continue to bend their knee to our senile wannabe dictator, I have never been more grateful that I don’t work for one of these craven companies. I work for you.
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