Photo: Andrew Harnik/Reuters

Last week, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth ordered more than 800 of the country’s military commanders to gather at Marine Corps Base Quantico in Virginia. Many flew in from thousands of miles away on short notice, so presumably Hegseth and President Donald Trump had something very important to tell them.

Instead, Hegseth called military leaders “fat” and Trump delivered a rambling, rally-style speech. The president spoke in a wheezy, sleepy tone for more than an hour, on a stage clearly meant to resemble the movie Patton. His prepared remarks were full of dictatorlike complaints about “the enemy within,” and justifications for using the military to police U.S. cities. But it was hard to track the major themes, as there were so many long, self-aggrandizing ad-libs. This included rants about Joe Biden, praise for Barack Obama’s ability to walk down stairs, and an “N-word” joke that fell flat with military officials. It may not be the most disturbing or incoherent speech Trump has ever delivered, but given the context it was really something.

Here are some of the dumbest and most disturbing moments.

Hegseth announced he’s making it harder for women to serve in combat

The self-styled secretary of War, who famously said women should not be in combat roles prior to joining the Trump administration, said he will impose the “highest male standards only” for combat roles.

“If women can make it, excellent. If not, it is what it is,” he said. “It will also mean that weak men won’t qualify — because we’re not playing games. This is combat. This is life or death.”

Hegseth says military is done with “woke garbage”

The former Fox News host defined “woke garbage” as diversity efforts, acknowledging climate science, and allowing transgender people to serve (though he put it far more nastily).

“No more identity months, DEI offices, dudes in dresses,” he said. “No more climate-change worship, no more division, distraction or gender delusions, no more debris. As I’ve said before, and will say again, we are done with that shit.”

Hegseth: “No more dudes in dresses. No more climate change worship … we are done with that shit.” pic.twitter.com/QFu9U5Pf06

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Hegseth fat-shames military

Hegseth also said he’s tired of seeing “fat generals and admirals” and asserted that if he can manage to do “regular hard PT,” every member of the military should be able to do the same.

“Frankly, it’s tiring to look out at combat formations, or really any formation, and see fat troops,” he said. “Likewise, it’s completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon leading commands around the country and the world.”

Hegseth: "It all starts with physical fitness and appearance. If the secretary of war can do regular hard PT, so can every member of our joint force. Frankly, it’s tiring to look out at combat formations or really any formation and see fat troops. Likewise, it’s completely… pic.twitter.com/3jVl7Be3mv

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Hegseth declares war on beards and long hair

“Mattingly, I thought I told you to trim those sideburns!” is now official U.S. military policy.

Hegseth: No more beards, long hair, superficial individual expression. We don’t have a military full of Nordic pagans. pic.twitter.com/btMwLyl7h2

— Acyn (@Acyn) September 30, 2025

Hegseth invites America’s enemies to “FAFO”

This led to a spike in Google searches of “what does FAFO mean” and got a lone “woo” in the room, which probably wasn’t the reaction Hegseth was looking for.

“To our enemies: FAFO” (holds for applause that doesn’t come)Cringey awkward moment as Hegseth summons all 🇺🇸 generals to hear him do a one-man show about how strong we are pic.twitter.com/PJZGUuYUA9

— The Tennessee Holler (@TheTNHoller) September 30, 2025

Trump says U.S. cities should be “training grounds” for military

The most disturbing bit of Trump’s remarks was his claim that “we are under invasion from within” that’s “no different than a foreign enemy but more difficult in many ways because they don’t wear uniforms.”

Trump to generals: “America is under invasion from within. We’re under invasion from within. No different than a foreign enemy, but more difficult in any ways because they don’t wear uniforms. At least when they’re wearing a uniform you can take them out.” pic.twitter.com/LZw4W73LdQ

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Trump said he had just told Hegseth that “we should use some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military.”

Trump to top military officials: “I told Pete, we should use some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military. National Guard, but our military. Because we’re going into Chicago very soon. That’s a big city with an incompetent governor. Stupid governor.” pic.twitter.com/v9gb2OhhcJ

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Trump then argued that the military should be deployed to “keep domestic order and peace” within the U.S.

“History is filled with military heroes who took on foreign and domestic threats,” he said. “George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, George Bush, and others used the armed forces to keep domestic order and peace. Many of our leaders used the military to keep peace. Now they like to say you aren’t allowed to use the military.”

Trump: History is filled with military heroes who took on foreign and domestic threats. We also have domestic. George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, George Bush and others used the armed forces to keep domestic order and peaceMany of our leaders used the military to keep peace.… pic.twitter.com/19aQwp8CNc

— Acyn (@Acyn) September 30, 2025

Trump claims D.C. was more dangerous than Afghanistan

Throughout the speech, the president described many specific U.S. cities as crime-ridden hell holes and even said firefighters are routinely being shot off ladders in inner cities. But perhaps his most bizarre and fact-free claim on this topic was that D.C. was more unsafe than Afghanistan before he sent in federal troops.

Trump: “Washington DC was the most unsafe, most dangerous city in the US and to a large extent, beyond. You go to Afghanistan, they didn’t have anything like that.” pic.twitter.com/NRphKKyuTS

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Trump jokes about firing generals if they don’t like his speech

The president kicked off his remarks by urging military officials to be a good audience.

“You know, just have a good time, and if you want to applaud you applaud,” Trump said. “If you don’t like what I’m saying, you can leave the room. Of course, there goes your rank, there goes your future.”

They chuckled at that joke but were mostly silent when Trump paused for laughs and applause throughout the speech.

Trump: "Don’t laugh. You’re not allowed. If you don’t like what I’m saying, leave the room. There goes your rank, there goes your future.” pic.twitter.com/6IJq0fUd5z

— Spencer Hakimian (@SpencerHakimian) September 30, 2025

Trump recounts fight with AP over “Gulf of America”

Just minutes into his speech, the president was already rambling about how he thinks his new name for the Gulf of Mexico is “so cool.”

Two minutes into his speech to military leaders, Trump is ranting about renaming the “Gulf of America” pic.twitter.com/o4K5KwDvhP

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Trump calls “Department of Defense” the “first sign of wokeness”

Similarly, he gave a meandering account of how he decided to rename the “Department of War” and threw some shade at the Truman administration.

Trump on changing the name to the “Department of Defense,” which happened in 1949: “That was probably the first sign of wokeness.” pic.twitter.com/VOmXwgJqyU

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Trump says Putin should have crushed Ukraine in a week

Throughout the speech, Trump bragged about how many wars he’s resolved. At one point he said he was “disappointed” with Vladimir Putin because he thought he would “get this thing over with” (meaning his invasion of Ukraine) in just a week. Trump claimed he taunted the Russian president about this, asking, “Are you a paper tiger?”

Trump to top military officials: “I’m so disappointed in President Putin. I thought he would get this thing over with. He shoulda had that war done in a week.” pic.twitter.com/NA4TqDomTY

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Trump jokes about the other “N-word”

Trump rambled incoherently about Russian submarines and the possibility of nuclear annihilation for a bit, then concluded with an “N-word” joke.

“Just be careful, because we can’t let people throw around that word. I call it the ‘N-word.’ There are two N-words, and you can’t use either of them,” he said. “Can’t use either of them. And frankly, if it does get to use, we have more than anybody else. We have better. We have newer, but it’s something we don’t ever want to have to think about it.”

Trump: It was really a stupid person that works for him mentioned the word nuclear. I call it is N word. There were two N words and you can’t use either of them. pic.twitter.com/sSn5doBn8v

— Acyn (@Acyn) September 30, 2025

Trump complains that he won’t get the Nobel Prize

The president lamented that they’ll give the Nobel Peace Prize to “some guy who wrote a book about the mind of Donald Trump,” though that’s not how the award works. Then he claimed that that he just wants the honor for America (though his name would be on it).

“It will be a big insult to our country, I will tell you that,” he said. “I don’t want it. I want the country to get it. They should get it because there’s never been anything like it. Think of it.”

Trump to generals: “Will you get the Nobel Prize? Absolutely not. They’ll give it to some guy that didn’t do a damn thing … it would be a big insult to country, I will tell you that. I don’t want it, I want the country to get it. We should get it.” pic.twitter.com/mcCgGq67V2

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Trump tells generals he’s improved paper quality on their behalf

Trump interrupted a tirade about Biden’s autopen usage to inform generals that he has improved the paper used when ” you … have your things signed” (he meant military commissions). He accomplished this by throwing “a little more gold on it.”

Trump to generals: “We have beautiful paper, the gorgeous paper. I said, ‘throw a little more gold on it, they deserve it. I want the A paper not the D paper.’ We used to sign a piece of garbage … I want to use the big beautiful firm paper.” pic.twitter.com/nqdREpazkQ

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Trump claims he was actually the 46th president too

Trump pretended he’s too humble to name a fighter jet after himself, then asserted that he’s actually president Nos. “45, 46, and 47 if you think of it.” (Get it? Because the 2020 election was stolen.) He just doesn’t “want the credit for 46” because America was supposedly so bad under Biden.

Trump: They said we would like to name it the F-47. That means 47, I’m 47. I’m 45, 46 and 47I don’t want the credit for 46. I don’t want to have their open borders and people coming in from all over the world including jails and mental institutions. I don’t want that on my… pic.twitter.com/wQ9VU75Zyd

— Acyn (@Acyn) September 30, 2025

Trump brags about his beautiful signature

You might think Trump would avoid discussing how he writes his name, as this became a topic of national discussion following the release of his alleged birthday letter for Jeffrey Epstein. But it was necessary so that Trump could blast Biden for “having the worst signature I’ve ever seen.”

Trump to generals: “I love my signature. I really do. Everyone loves my signature.” pic.twitter.com/vSITI825G8

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 30, 2025

Trump says he’s still pushing Canada to become the 51st state

Yes, he really played all the hits.

Trump: Canada called me a couple of weeks ago… I said why don’t you just join our country and become the 51st state They are having a hard time up there in Canada now because as you know, with tariffs everyone is coming into our country. pic.twitter.com/FxiQ8sDoFn

— Acyn (@Acyn) September 30, 2025

Trump warns fellow presidents to watch out for stairs

He explained that he walks “very slowly” when he’s on stairs because he’s afraid of tripping and looking like Biden. “Be cool, be cool, but don’t bop down the stairs,” he advised fellow presidents. Then he complimented Obama for his slick stair game.

“So one thing with Obama, I had zero respect for him as a president, but he’d bop down those stairs,” Trump said. “I guess I could do it, but eventually bad things would happen. And it only takes once.”

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