Kim at his military clusterfuck. (STR/KCNA VIA KNS/AFP via Getty Image)
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—Kim Jong Un was incandescent with rage on Wednesday as he accused Donald J. Trump of stealing his idea of gathering his top military brass for an orgy of propaganda.
“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” Kim said of Tuesday’s event in Quantico, Virginia. “That asshole totally ripped me off.”
“The summoning of the nation’s generals, the insistence on loyalty, the unhinged rhetoric—I had all of that,” the North Korean dictator added. “The only thing I didn’t have was the weird drunk guy with all the makeup.”
In another accusation, Kim claimed Trump lifted his idea of attacking American cities, stating, “Washington DC, Los Angeles, Chicago—they were all on my target list. The only one I didn’t have was Portland. Why is he attacking Portland? That makes zero sense.”
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As corporate media continue to bend their knee to our senile wannabe dictator, I have never been more grateful that I don’t work for one of these craven companies. I work for you.
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