ICE just isn’t getting the job done. Despite the masked men swarming everywhere to arrest every Mexican-looking person in sight, the agency still can’t meet the 3,000 arrests per day quota that White House advisor Stephen Miller has stated is merely the baseline for his expectations.

The main reason for this is that we’re running out of immigrants to arrest. The pretense of ejecting “criminal” migrants from the nation was abandoned the first time Trump held office, due to the fact that migrants commit fewer crimes than natural-born citizens. The administration claims there have been 1.6 million “self-deportations” since Trump took office, which means there are even fewer people to arrest, no matter how aggressively ICE acts. Going after everyone and swarming the streets with federal officers and military troops hasn’t resulted in a massive increase in arrests — something ICE has recently decided to blame on a lack of officers, despite being massively over-funded.

To that end, ICE has taken the age caps off the hiring process, allowing people as young as 18 and as old as time itself to apply for open positions. It has also thrown a $50,000 signing bonus into the mix, which is now cannibalizing local law enforcement agencies who simply don’t have billions of federal dollars to throw at recruits.

ICE also enticed actor Dean Cain to remind everyone he’s still alive by producing a PSA for ICE and its hiring push. Obviously, the man who once portrayed America’s most famous immigrant (Superman) is now claiming he’s joining ICE, which is having an effect on the most irony-proof people in our nation: ICE applicants.

NPR went to a DHS hiring fair and interviewed some of the people applying for one of (allegedly) 10,000 open ICE positions. The administration needs as many boots (and masked faces) on the ground as possible if it’s ever going to come within a third of its stated goal of 1,000,000 arrests per year. Fortunately, this nation has a surplus of flunkies, some of whom shared their motivations with NPR as they applied open Gestapo-esque thug positions.

Ana Maria Vargas, 52, a correctional officer in Arizona, applied to be a deportation officer.

“I saw … the guy that played Superman on the TV series so many years ago,” Vargas said. “A lot of us still have the desire and want to serve our country, yet we don’t know how to get into it because of the age restrictions.”

Vargas said she wants to “take out the bad guys,” though she acknowledged “there are a lot of good people that are here. However, they are here illegally.”

Law enforcement officer? Check. Saw that Superman guy? Check. Thinks chasing day laborers through Home Deport parking lots is “taking out the bad guys?” Check. Says there are “good people” caught up in this mess but still thinks the “good people” should be ejected along with the “bad guys?” Check. Vargas wants to be the negative change she wishes to see in the world. And ICE might pay her $50,000 just for signing up because she’s definitely the sort of person it wants to add to its force: someone who thinks ICE is good, Superman guy is inspiring, and doesn’t have the sort of moral clarity that might result in second thoughts or immediate resignation.

Here’s another applicant interviewed by NPR:

Andrea Alexander, an attorney living in Utah, came to apply for the Office of the Principal Legal Advisor, the branch of ICE that argues immigration cases in immigration court. She learned of ICE’s recruitment efforts from White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller’s social media.

“I love Trump. I love his administration. I think he’s going to save our country,” Alexander said, adding that those applying to be deportation officers should likely believe in the mission as well. “They probably have to be true believers for the front line because they have to be ready to catch a lot of flak right now.”

Do I even need to comment? I mean, this is a person who willingly follows Stephen Miller’s X account. That person was always in the bag for bigotry and fascism. Knowing some legal terms probably helps, but just knowing some legal stuff doesn’t always make you a good fit for a job, as plenty of Trump appointees have found out while getting mowed down by federal court judges or just leaving their asses hanging all the way out when angling for unjustified indictments.

Another applicant is just the sort of opportunist someone like Trump would admire:

He said he was on the right of the political spectrum and that the hiring bonuses and increased media attention on the agency drew his attention.

“I think there’s way too many illegal immigrants here,” he said, noting that if he gets the job, he hopes he gets to deport people.

“I don’t believe in much but I have a red hat and I don’t like people who aren’t white. Also: I like money.” What a piece of shit.

Also contributing to this: a former Army officer who thinks his experience with “detainee operations” (let that one simmer for a bit…) would be useful to ICE. And another veteran who doesn’t want to do anything more than speed up the delivery of his government pension:

“I want to go back into federal service … and retire earlier than have to start a whole another career with a state or county agency,” he said, noting he is interested in Border Patrol, Secret Service and ICE.

Not everyone is the cliche you expect. One applicant was a person laid off during the DOGE purge who simply wants to get back to the government position they held before Trump returned to the Oval Office. Another person was already an immigration officer who was just hoping for a better paying job in the same field.

But, for the most part, it’s the people you expect them to be, which means they’re the people this administration wants: applicants whose motivation goes beyond the unexpected opportunity and into the general “kick all the immigrants out” mission ICE is in the process of undertaking. It’s people who haven’t thought about any of this past the brims of their MAGA hats or who can be so impressed by a Hollywood has-been they’re willing to roll the dice on a $50,000 signing bonus, even if it means “good people” will be negatively affected by their actions. And if you’re hurting people you consider to be “good” just because the pay is high enough, you have to know what that makes you. Right?

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