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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Justifying his characterization of Chicago as a crime-ridden war zone, Donald J. Trump claimed on Monday that thousands of the city’s residents were seen “running for their lives” over the weekend.
“They were running like dogs,” he said. “You’d run, too, if you were being chased by Antifa.”
Trump said that thousands of people running in the streets was a common occurrence in “Democrat cities,” noting that what happened in Chicago over the weekend has also taken place in New York and Boston.
As corporate media bend their knee to our senile wannabe dictator, I have never been more grateful that I don’t work for one of these craven companies. I work for you.
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