“A deal’s a deal,” the billionaire said sadly. (Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
KATONAH, NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—George Soros has been forced to declare bankruptcy after paying over seven million people to attend the No Kings protests, the billionaire confirmed on Monday.
“When I agreed to pay everyone who showed up at these things, I had no idea so many people were going to accept my offer,” Soros admitted. “But a deal’s a deal.”
The legendary investor said that paying No Kings participants had required him to liquidate his most prized holdings, including his share in the orbital lasers operated by the Rothschild banking family.
Soros revealed that paying the five million Antifa members at the rallies cost him “a pretty penny,” adding, “They may be anarchists, but they don’t work for free.”
See Me This Friday Night!
With Sen. Adam Schiff in New York City. (Ben Gabbe/Getty Images for The New Yorker)
Let’s keep the No Kings spirit going! This Friday October 24, I’ll be offering An Evening of Sanity at the lovely McCarter Theatre Center in Princeton, NJ.—an easy train ride from NYC.
It’ll be a mix of comedy, conversation, and Q & A with the audience. Plus, I’ll be signing books afterward, so I’ll get a chance to meet you.
This is my final show of 2025, and tickets are selling fast—so order yours today. I hope to see you there!
Love,
Andy
As corporate media bend their knee to our senile wannabe dictator, I have never been more grateful that I don’t work for one of these craven companies. I work for you.
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