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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that has further imperiled relations between the US and its northern neighbor, on Monday Melania Trump hiked tariffs on Canada to 10,000% in retaliation for Katy Perry dating Justin Trudeau.
Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney attempted to mollify the First Lady by stressing that his government had no jurisdiction over the love lives of his predecessor and the pop star.
But Mrs. Trump was unmoved, holding a White House press conference to blast the Trudeau-Perry romance.
“There are many bad things in world right now,” she said. “This be worst.”
As corporate media bend their knee to our senile wannabe dictator, I have never been more grateful that I don’t work for one of these craven companies. I work for you.
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