It’s Halloween week on Strictly! Now, usually this is one of the best weeks in the competition, but in a series that’s both somehow not trying hard enough and trying too much, I’m a bit apprehensive. But nonetheless, I’m excited, also for all us clock-watchers/people who fall asleep on the sofa after 8pm, the show is now down to a solid 1 hour 45! So, on with the show
The judges are some form of corpse bride and grooms, and I think their parents? Who knows. The costuming is, of course, excellent. The couples are announced, and I’m disappointed to note a distinct lack of male cleavage this week, but we soldier on.
The Strictly dances
Vicky and Kai dancing the American smooth Kai’s a sexy vampire, complete with guyliner, and that’s all that matters. It’s a really lovely dance for Strictly, and it’s great to see both how much Vicky has improved and how much her confidence is growing. The judges are unexpectedly very fucking nice about it for an early dance by a female celeb – except Craig of course, who tears it apart. They score 31 and she… doesn’t mount Kai?? Wtf.
Ellie and Vito dancing the tango Putting them in the death slot feels cruel, but Vito’s a rabbit to Ellie’s magician, which is excellent. Whoever let the singers do Abracadabra by Lady Gaga deserves jail. Oh, it’s very messy, unfortunately, but you can see she’s really trying. The judges, of course, don’t properly criticise her. Anton says, “Your performance is as good as anybody else”, which smacks of “I almost forgot you were disabled!” They score 27.
George and Alexis dancing the cha cha cha George says he’s enjoying “throwing my little hips about”, which is hilarious cos he barely dances. They’re dancing to Apple by Charli XCX, and I literally go “can’t believe they haven’t done the Apple dance” and they do it. It’s ridiculous that these fans get mad every time he gets a TikTok song, when their need for constant “content” is the reason the show has gone so TikTokified. They score 29, which seems low but only cos of how overmarked he was early on.
La Voix and Aljaz dancing the paso doble La Voix auditions for Tess’s job, and just give it to her already. A Halloween paso is always fantastic, and this was no exception. However, while it’s very strong and powerful, it felt a little a bit rushed. Anton says Len would’ve loved it (DRINK!), which is hilarious because everyone knows he would’ve been foaming at the mouth at just the thought of same sex couples and a drag queen on Strictly. They score 35 and scream the place down.
Lewis and Katya dancing their couple’s choice Lewis’ dance is apparently about his family, which definitely sends a message when the song is Creep by Radiohead which says “I don’t belong here” repeatedly. It was, by all accounts, an excellent dance, despite it being 17 kinds of Katya Jones batshit choreography. There’s so much content in it that I genuinely don’t remember any of that dance minutes after it happened. They score the first 40 of the series, and yeah, sure.
Balvinder and Julian dancing the rumba She’s a siren and he’s someone who’s crashed his ship cos she’s lured him in, I think. His shirt’s open either way, and it’s a very sensual dance. It’s very disconcerting that everyone in this series of Strictly is good at rumbas when they’re usually awkward af. Julian says it’s been nice exploring their connection, and when the Clauditorium childishly “oooo”s, he shrugs, “hey, drill drill drill!”, to give Balvinder a taste of her own accidental medicine. They score 28.
Harry and Karen dancing the American smooth It’s an absolute waste of a man the size of Harry not to make him Frankenstein’s monster. They’re in an intergalactic ice cream shop with disco costumes, based on a single lyric from the massively viral Benson Boone song they’re dancing to, but nobody’s mad cos he’s not George. It’s an okay dance, but the “concept” has thrown me off. Motsi hilariously says that they have to comment on everyone’s mistakes, which definitely doesn’t happen. They score 26.
Karen and Carlos dancing the Argentine tango They’re dancing to the Peaky Blinders theme tune purely cos she’s a Brummie and Craig offends the whole of Birmingham with his accent. Kaz asks what everyone’s thinking with “how do they not kick each other?” It’s very fucking good dance and score a much deserved 38.
Alex and Johanne dancing the salsa She dedicates this Strictly dance to her whole village who have supported her, which makes me almost piss myself when I remember they’re dancing to Horny by Mousse T. It’s genuinely both an incredibly sexy dance and completely batshit. In the Clauditorium, she blows a kiss to the camera and tells her village, “that was for you” and I think I’ve gone hysterical. This is what Halloween Strictly is all about. They score 35.
Amber and Nikita dancing the Viennese Waltz Honestly, after that Amber could’ve performed the whole of Swan Lake naked and nobody would’ve noticed. Amber learns in week six that she’s got to tell a story through her body, and Nikita looks hot as fuck as a wolf. It’s good, but of course it is, it’s still very ballerina though. They, of course, are so much harsher about her than Lewis, who is also a trained dancer. They score 35.
And just like that, the Halloween live show comes to end. With just 10 couples now, if you’re not at the top you’re near the bottom. Lewis tops the leader board, while down at the bottom end and potentially in trouble, we have George, Bal, Harry, and Ellie. Shirley has the casting vote, which means a woman is going home…
The results show
The format changes feel all the more stark this episode, as there’s no huge grand Halloween week results opening just as there wasn’t the main episode. As we’ve seen so far this series the results have been broken down so we get a final four, but what that means this week is we get six in a big chunk, then no more results for like 20 minutes. There’s also an excellent performance from Cat Burns and I genuinely can’t recommend her new single enough.
From the Clauditorium we learn that Katya is psychic, Vicky has a cry, and Kai knees a table, but it’s very hot. There’s also an excellent group number from the pros.
After George fans have gone ham on the multiple accounts like the losers they are, he’s safe to fight another week. However, this leaves Balvinder and Julian and Ellie and Vito at the bottom. I feel so awful for Bal cos it feels like more than just a little bit of racist sexism that’s leaving her at the bottom so often.
Thankfully, though, she’s saved again. Though it does mean that, sadly, this is the end of the road for Ellie and Vito. It’s been incredible to see Ellie on the show, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little relieved that the patronising ableism has come to an end.
Halloween Strictly: more just plain odd than spooky
So that was Halloween week! It was alright, wasn’t it? But it wasn’t quite the spectacular we’re used to. Like I’ve been saying all along it just felt like some of the old Strictly flair was missing and it was in all the visual details that we missed: upstairs, where we’re used to spotting the other pros in their silly costumes, they all mostly seemed a bit predictable and lacklustre, there weren’t even any ghostly score paddles!
I think more than anything ,this series has been proof that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it and that for a show like Strictly if you try too hard to make it appeal to young people, you risk alienating far more fans than you gain.
Featured image via the Canary
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