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WARNING: The following post is 100% factual (because I couldn’t make it up).
In an unhinged speech to Memphis police officers last month, Stephen Miller (aka Pee-Wee German) said of gang members, “They think that they’re tough. They have no idea how tough we are. They think that they’re hardcore. We are so much more hardcore than they are.”
Given how hardcore he says he is, I thought it was worth asking: How hardcore is Stephen Miller, really?
On June 17, 2018, Miller, a tireless cheerleader for wrenching migrant children from their parents, was dining at Espita Mezcaleria, a Mexican restaurant in Washington. Recognizing him from his sweaty performances at the White House podium, a fellow diner called out, “Hey look guys, whoever thought we’d be in a restaurant with a real-life fascist begging [for] money for new cages?”
Surprisingly, Miller didn’t take this opportunity to defend his beloved policy of family separation. According to a witness, he scurried away.
But Miller’s fear of restaurant patrons is nothing compared to his fear of chalk.
According to ARLnow, a site covering local news in Arlington and Falls Church, Virginia, Miller freaked out after peaceful protesters wrote a series of messages in chalk on the pavement outside his Arlington home, including “Stephen Miller is destroying democracy,” “stop the kidnapping,” we [love] immigrants,” “hate has no home in Arlington,” “no white nationalism,” and “trans rights are human rights.”
Miller called the messages “terroristic threats,” and, in an act of extreme chalkophobia, put his house up for sale.
So it turns out Stephen Miller isn’t very hardcore. Like his boss, Stephen Miller always chickens out.
TBR Photo of the Week
Congrats to RFK Jr.’s neighbor, who trolled him with this festive Halloween decoration on her front lawn.
As corporate media bend their knee to our deranged wannabe dictator, I have never been more grateful that I don’t work for one of these craven companies. I work for you.
From The Borowitz Report via this RSS feed
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